Clutter

I took a weekend break from writing and it did not feel like I was cheating or letting anyone (namely myself) down. I think it is because I did other things that felt as productive, if not moreso, than writing. That is, I got out and saw people. Several people. Some with my family and some just myself. So while I’ve most definitely been experiencing Facebook withdrawals, I’m doing what I set out to do when I deactivated and that is a good thing. Helps me power through without it. I’m still undecided on if the deactivation is permanent, as I do think I am missing a lot of information from friends, but I definitely need to rethink how I interact with it if/when I do go back.

I had a really lovely weekend of seeing friends and family. I did some things that were much needed for my soul, and I did some lounging around the house. Something I spend most of some part of my weekends doing and which is a recurring theme/concern/issue/obsession with me is clutter. To know me is to love my clutter. Or at least be aware of it. There are stories dating back to my early childhood (and a nickname of “Gallina” to go with them) about my inability to keep my bedroom floor clear. This extends far beyond my bedroom floor all the way to my desk at work. I know my boss and some co-workers cringe when they look at my desk, but somehow I manage to get shit done.

I’ve vastly improved over the years, but it is a constant struggle nonetheless. I recently took part in a challenge in cutting my wardrobe down to a small, predetermined number. I’m still working that out and hovering around the number 50 (I’m stuck on the shoe part, not gonna lie). What the process did for me, though, was get me to really look at my clothes and box up the vast majority of the clothes. They sat in bins for a couple months and this weekend I sorted them out to be sold or donated. I have LOTS of clothes to sell. Since I was on a roll I also attacked my car, which I live in during the week running from home to work to my volunteer job to home….and some errands in between. My little one and I cleaned it out and went to the car wash down the road to vacuum it out.

So apparently all those articles about how your environment is a reflection of your mind (or vice versa) have some truth to them. I just feel clearer when I’m driving in my car now. I wouldn’t say my bedroom is clear of clutter (i still have to sell the darn clothes), but I see a path to less clutter. This is something I want to celebrate but it also feels bittersweet. I have really been pretty self-critical of my ability to keep a clean house. Other people have also been very critical over my ability to keep a clean house. I’ve spent time analyzing why I can’t seem to tackle this monster. I know that in some ways this is a reflection of how my brain operates. I have struggled with this sometimes haphazard way my thought process seems to operate and I know the wake of clutter I leave behind is a manifestation of that. But what? What do you do about that?

In all honesty, I’ve as much made it a goal to find a way to harness that brain activity into something that will help me be succesful. My current career choice is proof that that can work. It seems to be in my personal life that I struggle more. Having the support of my husband, and a iron-clad deal that he cleans the kitchen and I maintain the laundry, has helped a lot in maintaining my sanity. We try to know our boundaries and ask each other for help when we hit them. I’m not as good at delegating work to my kids who could most definitely have more responsibility around the house. I am making a sincere effort to “edit” down my personal belongings, but I have to be gentle with myself there.

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